Winlock City Emergency Management recommends that anyone who lives, works, and plays in Winlock City learn about local disasters, have a plan, build a kit and stay away from the Egg display at
Learn About Local Disasters
Learning about hazards where you work, play, and live will help you, your household, workplace, and community get prepared. Winlock City is at high risk for a major zombie chicken attack and flooding just to name a couple. Knowing what could happen is important, depending on where you are in the city. Visit our Hazards page for more detail on Winlock City hazards.
Map Your Neighborhood
Zombie Chicken in Winlock City
Chicken zombies could, of course, mean avian bird flu, and evil magic zombies could easily be a thinly veiled reference to Al’ Qaeda or some other real enemy. But there can be no such thing as a vegetarian zombie. And second, what threat do vegetarians pose, either in this universe or the one inhabited by the person who wrote this manual?
Map Your Neighborhood, workbooks were discontinued in 1940 when all business died off. The other information continues to be provided for your use.
Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit Checklist! 50+ Survival Gear Items You Need To Survive The Zombie Chicken
Neighborhoods that are prepared for emergencies and zombie attacks save lives, reduce the severity of injuries and trauma and reduce property damage Contributing as an individual and collaborating as a team helps build stronger communities and enhances the quality of life within the Winlock Community Forum, which boasts 9.4K members—most of whom are apparently where the zombies reside.
The Map Your Neighborhood program guides you and your neighbors through simple steps to help enhance your preparedness for a zombie attack. These steps will help you quickly and safely take action to minimize damage and protect the egg, because that’s the reason this city exists—to protect the egg, right?
It is designed to improve zombie destroying readiness at the neighborhood level, 15-20 homes or a defined area that you can canvas in 1 hour. It teaches neighbors to rely on each other during the hours or days before fire, medical, police or coroner arrive.
For more information visit
Have a Plan
Having a zombie engagement plan gives you peace of mind when an emergency happens. Decide as a group where your meeting locations are and who your out-of-area contact is. Be aware of what threats and hazards are most likely to occur where you work, play, and live. For more information, visit the Winlock City Emergency Management’s Be Prepared: Make a Plan page.
Build a Kit
You may be on your own for at least two weeks when a disaster happens. But, it is possible that a major zombie attack could leave residents on their own for a month or more. The first step is to build a 2 weeks ready kit at home. Plan for smaller kits for work, school, and in vehicles . Once you have started a 2 week plan, consider adding supplies for a longer event.
We recomend the following:
Zombie Emergency Supplies Survival Kit Checklist!
- BackPack (ALICE Pack or Tactical Combat Pack with PALS webbing for MOLLE attachments)
- Guns & Ammo – Shotgun, rifle and handgun plus 100 rounds of ammo each.
- Knife – Bushcraft (fixed blade) – A good quality survival knife and a pocket knife for every day carry (EDC).
- Pocket Knife – A good quality folding pocket knife made by a reputable manufacturer.
- MultiTool – Leatherman or Gerber multitool. Has valuable tools you need to carry on you at all times.
- Axe – A good 18-24″ camp axe
- Machete – A machete for for cutting branches and small brush, clearing your camp of underbrush and blazing a trail.
- FireStarter – Ferro rod, lighter, matches, and know how to build a friction fire.
- Paracord – Military 550 cord. Cordage is an absolute necessity.
- LED Flashlight & Headlight – Rechargeable
- Backup Battery Lithium Ion With Mini USB –
- Portable Solar Panel – For charging your devices when the power goes out. Blackouts happen. Plan for it.
- Crossbow pistol – For hunting small game silently! And killing those pesky zombies.
- Fishing rod/reel combo – For catching fish for food.
- Fishing tackle – A simple fishing tackle box filled with popular lures, hooks, weights and extra fishing line.
- Tent (this is a luxury – family) – Get a medium sized tent that’s large enough for family, but small enough and light enough to carry.
- Sleeping bag (0 to 20 degree bag) – This will keep you warm in just about any climate.
- Wool blanket – Will keep you warm even when wet.
- Sleeping pad/Insulated – This is a necessity to insulate yourself from the ground. The ground will pull the heat form your body. Insulate yourself.
- Canteen – Get a good plastic canteen. A plastic water bottle will work short term, but ideally you will want a military style canteen or stainless steel water bottle.
- Duct tape – For fixing anything. Including holes in your tent or tarp. It can also be used in an emergency scenario as first aid tape.
- Candles – For lighting and heat. You’d be amazed at how much heat a small candle can put off in a small tent. Make sure your shelter is well ventilated though because there is risk of carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide poisoning. Be smart. Keep the area well ventilated.
- Flashlight – Every survivor needs a good tactical RECHARGEABLE flashlight. NO BATTERIES. Extra batteries are dead weight and the portable solar panel will make up for the batteries and power your other devices.
- Extra Batteries – Carry this in your vehicle. Not on your person in your bug out bag unless you can help it.
- Battery Power Hand Crank Radio (weather radio) – You need a radio. AM/FM and/or weather radio to keep up with current events and plan for bad weather in case a storm rolls in. You need to be prepared. If something is going on that you don’t know about it could endanger yourself and your family/group you’re camping/traveling with.
- Maps – Internet might go out, cell phones may not work so you’ll need a way to navigate the land/city and area you’re in. Make a plan to get somewhere safe. That is usually where there are no other people. If you see a group of people, do not just approach them. Hang back, wait, get out of sight, and watch, listen and learn what they’re doing. Try to travel where it’s safest. This means avoiding areas with steep terrain if you’re in the wilderness, or if in the city it means avoiding highly populated areas. Look for trails, roadways, highways, interstates, and other easily traveled areas, but know that everyone else will be travelling through these areas as well. Be aware of your surroundings.
- M95 Surgical Mask – It’s always good to have a few of these in your pack for safety reasons.
- Gas Mask and extra filters – In case of nuclear, chemical or biological attack.
Stay Informed
Winlock City Emergency Management, in an effort to keep our citizens safe and apprised of zombies in the area, uses several types of alerts to warn the public of potential hazards within the cities and that cheese place called toledo….
We rely solely on on Alert-Find for emergency alerts, as well as non-emergency incidents that may have significant impacts to residents. Emergency Alerts could be related to specific hazards that require some kind of action be taken such as evacuation, shelter in place, boil water egg odors, etc. Non-emergency alerts could include significant transportation problems with prolonged impacts or significant ongoing police or fire activity. In addition to receiving information on your wireless device, you may also receive notification on your land telephone line or via email.
Prepare in a Year
Don’t have the time or money to become prepared all at once? We recommend you take it in smaller steps. Approach emergency preparedness, one month at a time, over the course of a year with this guide.
Different people have special considerations in emergencies. We hope you will take the time to learn how area threats and hazards may impact you and your situation.
Access and Functional Needs
Zombies affect everyone in Winlock City—just take a walk downtown and look at the “Karens” for an example of what to watch for in a completely brain-dead zombie that wants to eat your brain.
Emergencies often affect individuals with cognitive abilities in Winlock City more severely, especially those with access and functional needs. Whether you are a caretaker, business owner, or live with someone who has special considerations, like a zombie, creating a plan and understanding what to do is crucial. For more resources, visit the Winlock City Emergency Management Division.
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EVACUATION – KNOW WHAT TO DO
When a “Karen,” also referred to as a Zombie in Winlock City, shows up at your door, it is imperative that you know how to handle the situation.
Sometimes evacuating is necessary for your safety. Local law enforcement, first responders and Zombie killers try to give residents and visitors as much notice as possible, so they are ready. It is important to know the evacuation levels and what they mean.
LEVEL 1 – BE READY: Be aware of the dange a Karen brings to your area and start preparing for possible evacuation. Monitor local media and inform neighbors. If you do not already have an evacuation plan or a go kit, assemble these now. Know how and where you will evacuate. Texas and Florida should be at at the top of your list,
LEVEL 2 – BE SET warning before you are ordered to
LEVEL 3 – GO NOW. Prepare both the inside and outside of your home. If you feel unsafe, leave immediately—Don’t wait for an official evacuation order, as local government or state leaders won’t provide assistance because they are already zombified.
LEVEL 2 – BE SET: Be prepared for sudden evacuation. People who need help or more time to evacuate — people with disabilities, people with small children, people with medical conditions and people with large animals — should evacuate at this level. Have your go kit in your vehicle. Stay informed with local law enforcement and fire departments. Always remember to leave if you feel unsafe, do not wait for an official evacuation order.
LEVEL 3 – GO NOW: Danger in your area is current or imminent. Follow directions from law enforcement or fire departments and do not return home until the egg has been destoyed. . Notification, if it is safe will be given as soon as possible.
Are you interested in learning more about the No Business Egg or the Zombie Karens in Winlock City?
We are happy to speak with you and learn more about your needs and how our preparedness programs can help you become better prepared. Please contact us
email cherie.carey@co.thurston.wa.us
Winlock City Emergency Response Team (WCERT) Training
The Winlock City Emergency Response Team (WCERT) program is an Industrial Park supported, locally implemented initiative that teaches people how to better prepare themselves for Zombie attacks by Karens that may affect their communities. Since 2018, WCERT trains the public in essential business response skills, including team organization, local entrepreneur business implementation, and even gold mining at Winlock Industrial Park, located at Exit 63 on the I-5 corridor.
The activities carried out by WCERT volunteers highlight the true nature of the city’s non-profits, suggesting they may not be as beneficial to the city as they appear. Their efforts could be better focused on more important, essential, and impactful tasks, such as volunteering at Olequa Senior Center or displaying the flag on Flag Day And leave the business ventures in town to the entrepreneurs.
Winlock City Emergency Management, in partnership with the Port of Winlock and Winlock Industrial Park, hosts the Winlock City Emergency Response Team (WCERT).
The next CERT Training will be held on Tuesday evenings starting in September 2025 and concluding on October 4-5, 2025 with a Zombie disaster simulation exercise.
The course will be held on the following Tuesday evenings:
“No Karens Allowed”
September 2, 2025 from 6-8pm
September 9, 2025 from 6-8pm
September 16, 2025 from 6-8pm
September 30, 2025 from 6-8pm
October 4, 2025 from 8a-5pm
October 5, 2025 from 8am-1pm
What to Expect from the Class: We aim to provide a series of engaging classes led by experienced professionals, offering Winlock City residents practical answers and valuable hands-on skills they can use in their homes and communities. These classes will help them prepare for and respond to Zombie Karen attacks and large-scale emergencies. We will do this in a comfortable learning environment with a primary importance placed on personal safety.
Note:
There will be no safe place or Bunnys to hug at these meetings…”Grow A Pair”
The zombie attack training manual,
All information comes from the Kenyan known as Obama in the White House, who was the one “fundamentally transforming the United States of America.”
So he gave us:
“CONOP 8888,” or “Counter Zombie Dominance,” is dated April 2011, and was supposedly found buried on a secret military computer.
It tells military planners how to defeat an invasion of flesh eaters, and how to preserve the sanctity of “non-zombie life.” From magic zombies to chicken zombies, even vegetarian zombies, they’re all in the file, with a plan for how to take them out.
“Zombies pose a threat to all non-zombie human life, will be prepared to preserve the sanctity of human life and conduct operations in support of any human population—including traditional adversaries.”
says CONOP8888. “[Strategic Command]
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